At any one time I am aware of quite a number of students at Newington who are undergoing severe challenges due to the fact that their parents are either in the process of separating or have just recently parted company.

As much as this is an incredibly heart-rending situation for the adults involved it can be hugely problematic and can be quite traumatic for the children. Parents in these circumstances need to understand that their children will often suffer great stress and may well show signs of misbehaviour and a drop-off in concentration and motivation levels. Such factors can seriously impact upon their learning, general enjoyment, and engagement with life.

I want to offer a few pointers for parents to be aware of that might help them to minimise the impact that such stormy times may have on their children:

• Children should feel that they are more important than the conflict between the parents.
• They need to feel confident of both parents’ love and support—come what may!
• If they see their parents continue to work together despite the separation, they are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.
• They benefit from consistency—foster similar rules, discipline and rewards between households—versus competing with the other partner for their love.
• It is important to set aside anger, resentment and hurt to ensure you are focusing on their future happiness, stability and well-being.
• Never use your children as messengers to the other partner.
• Avoid saying negative things about each other.
• Keep your conversations children-focused.
• Showing respect toward each other, in front of the kids, can generate peace and goodwill.

My prayer for you all is that you may be led to the best possible outcome for all concerned and that your commitment and love for your children will override any selfish desire. May God bless you and keep you, even in the most difficult of times.

David N Williams
School Chaplain